Journal – Art – #3

This was my second mandala, in the same sketchbook as the previous post.

I have always felt this incredible feeling when opening a new blank sketchbook, or looking at a blank page.

Almost like a drug, theres a dopamine rush as i think about all that the infinite possibilities I can turn it into.

Thinking about that also often came with what i thought was a serious goal at the time to ‘fill the whole thing in less than a week’

No! A day!

“Maybe I’ll draw all day and night!”

I never did follow-through with this impulse of enthusiam,

almost feeling guilty about leaving the ambition forgotten after the finishing a single piece.

It seemed I channel all that energy and excitement into that moment and

similar to a workout session where perhaps there are almost unrealistic intentions,

I would stop at a reasonable place and think “Eh, thats’s enough for now”

There may or may not have been some more important priority calling my name at that point,

But I can fondly recall the desire to be outrageous and push the boundaries of my own self-imposed limitations

of what I believe is possible.

As a younger child I think I was prone to lack as much discipline as I conciously am making a point to

grow now, that was my rebellion perhaps.

Not to disrespect my parents but to not yet have learn how to tame my unruly mind.

I have learned alot of useful ideas in relation to the way our mind works and

what true productivity and intelligence is.

To apply all that I have learned is to show what i have actually learned indeed.

A chuckle breaks across my brain as I type this post.

It may be the hesitation of not knowing what may come that causes me to procrastinate

sharing my gifts with the world.

I am practicing Courage, Believing in my innate brilliance

and life visioning.

If I can create my future in my mind, then what do I have to be anxious about?

If theres something I don’t want, I won’t think it.

And give all my focus to that which I Do desire.

Perhaps it not exactly that.

It’s the wondering about myself.

Will I get it right?

Will I make it happen?

Will I be happy in the end?

I feel like the present moment is all I want to think about,

practicing appreciation for what is right now.

Knowing that life can end at any second,

the future must be surrendered

to enjoy everything that I am today.

It is always right now, after all

that I am alive.


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