Journal – Art – #3
This was my second mandala, in the same sketchbook as the previous post.
I have always felt this incredible feeling when opening a new blank sketchbook, or looking at a blank page.
Almost like a drug, theres a dopamine rush as i think about all that the infinite possibilities I can turn it into.
Thinking about that also often came with what i thought was a serious goal at the time to ‘fill the whole thing in less than a week’
No! A day!
“Maybe I’ll draw all day and night!”
I never did follow-through with this impulse of enthusiam,
almost feeling guilty about leaving the ambition forgotten after the finishing a single piece.
It seemed I channel all that energy and excitement into that moment and
similar to a workout session where perhaps there are almost unrealistic intentions,
I would stop at a reasonable place and think “Eh, thats’s enough for now”
There may or may not have been some more important priority calling my name at that point,
But I can fondly recall the desire to be outrageous and push the boundaries of my own self-imposed limitations
of what I believe is possible.
As a younger child I think I was prone to lack as much discipline as I conciously am making a point to
grow now, that was my rebellion perhaps.
Not to disrespect my parents but to not yet have learn how to tame my unruly mind.
I have learned alot of useful ideas in relation to the way our mind works and
what true productivity and intelligence is.
To apply all that I have learned is to show what i have actually learned indeed.
A chuckle breaks across my brain as I type this post.
It may be the hesitation of not knowing what may come that causes me to procrastinate
sharing my gifts with the world.
I am practicing Courage, Believing in my innate brilliance
and life visioning.
If I can create my future in my mind, then what do I have to be anxious about?
If theres something I don’t want, I won’t think it.
And give all my focus to that which I Do desire.
Perhaps it not exactly that.
It’s the wondering about myself.
Will I get it right?
Will I make it happen?
Will I be happy in the end?
I feel like the present moment is all I want to think about,
practicing appreciation for what is right now.
Knowing that life can end at any second,
the future must be surrendered
to enjoy everything that I am today.
It is always right now, after all
that I am alive.