MKE #3 – Week 14 – Submerged
I could see the old patterns above me
as the holiday frenzy begins
I want to maintain my balance.
I felt many newer ideas slipping away
too far away to hear now.
And the previous mindframe
Making so much noise.
I got lost for awhile.
Still holding firmly to what i could remember of
Ideas that seemed right, at the time.
Now I don’t know what to believe.
As long as i am striving for a thought that feels in alignment.
Many are crossing my path yet
none are as familiar as what ive
repeated religiously to myself.
I feel vulnerable, reminded of the
guardsmen at the gate in one instant.
Don’t remember if i forgot again.
Finally i think, should I just let go completely?
If I do, the more i release the clenched fist of
what i think is my only sense of truth
I fear that i am slipping into the
energy of something very dark
in comparison to what I am used to
I think, “Is it me? Or them.”
Of course i know it’s always me.
This has the potential to feel worse if I blame myself for
being what feels like being lost.
Am I lost?
Seperated from the security of what I know.
But whatever is going on, there is goodness.
Everywhere has the same potential to be heaven
on earth depending on wether I allow it or not.
What would I love most right now?
I want to lay down and meditate.
All day long,
and let the holidays pass.
But I dont ALLOW myself to do that.