MKE #3 – Week 8 – Growing My Conciousness
I have been practicing observing what I am observing
for awhile now.
Last week I noticed that perhaps that my life reflects only that which
notice, pay attention to, accept, welcome and allow to matter in my world.
My world within and seeming world without.
Things really are not ONLY what they seem at a single moment in time,
and from one specific point of view.
Not saying all points of view are any less valid than another.
If everything is made out of the same material, it seems to me (from my present perspective)
that every single thing there is; must be 100% equal!
Beauty, or what is valuble and/or meaningful can be narrowed or expanded as far as infinity
and beyond if given the space in our little patch of fertile mind soil.
The willingness to allow myself to recieve has been a two-fold relieving feeling
and also terrifying for subby.
I think ‘Why oh why has it taken me this long to let go?’
Simple and not always easy answer, FEAR.
Each time I am pulled into full crystal-clear realization
so sure of what is true, about myself and my world.
And then I completely find myself lost not an hour later,
following the train-track of my previously practiced paradimgn.
I think I just get bored with feeling all right.
So i go from one extreme to the other,
all wrong, all right, all wrong, all right…
Like a seesaw!
It can be entertaining I suppose.
But also quite tiring in itself.
To find my center in the morning and lose it gradually just past midday,
only to find relief in my pillow where my soul bounces back to
it true nature.
Like a compass needle, we may wobble before finding our true north sometimes.
We cannot defy our true nature or deny our true needs for long before
there is a breakdown, a surrender of our personal will (ego)
to the infinite universal will.
So why do I fight it, so religiously, yet seemingly
oblivious to that which I am doing?